


Be The Lovestruck Jackass

by swagcat9000



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Flushed Romance | Matesprits, M/M, Multi, Pale Romance, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Red Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 12:26:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8489656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swagcat9000/pseuds/swagcat9000
Summary: Trolls and humans coexist on Earth. Within one of the most messy pits of romance, high school, a young troll and a young human dance around their feelings for one another.





	1. Chapter 1

>Be the Lovestruck Jackass  
>You are now the Lovestruck Jackass  
Your name is KARKAT VANTAS. You go to HUSSIE HIGH, and you are in the NINTH GRADE.  
Today is the first day of freshman year. You sincerely hope last year's bullies have all gone to different schools, but knowing yourself, luck will not be in your favor.  
You run towards the school, lungs on fire, and just as you arrive, orientation begins. You're sorted into groups, and you get put in a group with a bunch of average kids, except one douchey looking guy wearing sunglasses indoors, and introduce yourselves to the circle.  
The sunglassed boy says his name is Dave in a cool, nonchalant manner, and about halfway through the tour of the school, you encounter another pack of kids. They notice their friend in your group and begin calling out to him.  
"Dave, Dave, is that you?" a boy in a shirt with Ecto from Ghostbusters calls.  
"Hell, yeah, my man John." he says, giving him a fist bump.  
You cannot believe that nerdy guy is hanging out with a bunch of apparent populars, including a few trolls. The troll:human ratio was about equal, and all the other trolls, unlike you, they wore their blood colors on their chests, where you kept it secret underneath your mask of grey clothes, symbols, and typing, careful not to show your color to the school. Who knows how much worse the bullying would get?  
There was also a girl with short blond hair, a girl with a teal insignia, another with a fuchsia symbol, surprising you, most tyrian bloods wouldn't go to a public school, much less hang out with humans, the one with long black hair and stick out teeth, and lastly, one with jade green lips.  
Dave gives a hello to all of them, and sneaks off with their group instead. What an asshole....  
The tour came to an end, and the overly excited alumni gave a few parting words.  
"Alright guys! You're going to head off to your classes, and say hello again, because, remember, these groups were sorted by people you have one or more classes with, so have fun together!" she chirped, and skipped off.  
You headed to first hour, Tutoring and Study. Certainly enough, there he was, Dave, and, being late, his two choices of seating were on either side of you, and he sat a few feet away, those dumb aviators obscuring his gaze, and he drummed on the table, waiting for the teacher to finish her spiel, before she handed out notebooks and telling you to decorate the covers.  
You went with your usual grey color scheme, and every so often glanced up at those glasses, the mirrored shades reflecting his work.  
"So, can't get enough of the Strider?" he asked, startling your gaze away from him.  
"No!" you stuttered. "Just... Wondering what's underneath those stupid shades of yours."  
"Oh, I see." he slid closer. "I bet you won't be able to stay away. I'm just that hot." he said.  
"And modest!" you added sarcastically.  
"Yes, and modest." He either totally missed the sarcasm or pretended not to notice for the sake of boosting his own ego.  
"Fine. So is this a real bet, or are you too scared I'll win?" you asked.  
"As if. Nobody can resist the Strider's charm. It's a genetic trait."  
"Oh, sure. I'm certain that I'm not that thirsty to fall for you."  
"Are you trying to roast me? I think when I win, my prize should be that you do my homework for a month."  
"How about, if I can resist your charm, I get to see your eyes." you suggested.  
"Guess you're not going to get to see my eyes."  
"Oh, I'll get to see them."  
"Then it's settled. I'll get back to you on this." and with that, the bell rang, signaling the end of class.  
Next hour, Metals and Glass, you didn't have with Dave, but you did have with that kid in the Ecto shirt, John.  
"Are you Karkat?" he asked.  
"How would you know that?"  
"Dave told me about you when he passed me in the hall. Something about some short, nubby horned troll with a sixty nine on his shirt. You made a bet?"  
You sighed.  
"Yes, that's me. Dave is going to try to romance me?"  
He nodded, adding on another question.  
"Do you not remember him from middle school?"  
Suddenly, the memories raced back to you. Of course! He was in your middle school Social Studies and Homeroom classes, eighth grade.  
"Why has he made this bet with me?" you probed.  
"I don't know. I'll ask him about it later."  
"Yes, make sure to tell me what he thinks he's doing." you said, and he looked off.  
"So why this bet?"  
He thought for a moment.  
"A cool way of having an excuse to get close to you, I guess. I'll pester him about it later. Speaking of which, do you have a chumhandle?"  
"Sure. It's "carcinoGeneticist". I'll write that down." you said, ripping off a piece of stationary and scribbling the name down.  
"I'll have to talk to you later. This class is almost over, anyways."  
The bell rang and you hurried to your third hour, impatient already with the slow moving peers around you. This is going to be hell in a day or so when teachers begin actually counting tardies and absences.  
You fumed silently, aggravated not only by the hallway traffic, but by Dave's ridiculous preposition and his friend John. And what did he mean by "get back to you on this"? Not like this was actually happening or anything, he was obviously joking with you, and is probably having a round of laugher about the conversation with his friends.

You arrived in third hour. English. Certainly enough, Dave was there too, and he sat across the room from you in the circle that the desks formed. The teacher began talking about syllabi and what was to be expected in her class, and it sounded kind of hard.  
What was harder was not shouting at Strider for playing this infernal game with you.  
It began by you just casually observing him, and he noticed you looking and gave you a slight smile.  
Then, you looked away, glanced back, and still, he was staring. He caught you looking at him three times, but you didn't like him at all. In fact, you hated him. Yes, that had to be it.  
The game of cat and mouse carried on for the rest of the class, and before the teacher, who seemed to drone on forever, could start talking about the punishments that you would face for plagiarism, the bell rang, and lunch began. You got your brown paper bag out and began walking to the lunchroom, but not before long, an arm draped around you. You looked up and saw Dave.  
"Gah!! Get off me!" you shoved him off.  
"What? Is my cool too much for you to handle?" he teased.  
"No! You put your arm around me! What the hell?"  
"Whoa, just take it easy. Nothing like a bit of light physical contact between... fellow associates?" he tried. Seeing your expression verging somewhere between anger and bewilderment, he backed off. "Sorry, Karkat. Didn't mean to make you angry."  
"What do you want?"  
"Lunch. You. Me. My squad. They'll like you, I promise."  
"Fine. Are they anywhere near as cool as you?" you asked, joining him in the walk towards the lunchroom.  
"Nobody is near how cool I am." he adjusted his glasses.  
At the table sat a bunch of the kids you recognized from earlier, and a grown adult, who must have been one of the human's parents. John was there too, and you sat next to him at the end of the bench instead of in the empty spot beside him, Dave clearly wanted you to occupy it.  
"Uh, Karkat? Maybe you should sit by Dave!" John tried.  
"Why? He said he wanted me to meet his squad, where else to sit than by with his buddy John?!" you exclaimed, pretending to be oblivious.  
"Oh, okay." he understood and played along. "Well, this is the squad!" he pointed out who was who.  
"That's Rose, Kanaya, Feferi, you know Dave, Terezi, Jade, and me."  
You said hi to the friends and began a conversation, initially a little guarded and irritable, but eventually warming up to the conversation.  
"Hey, I was able to get to Rose sooner, and Terezi helped with the contract, and here it is." Dave presented an old fashioned looking piece of paper.  
"You really did this?"  
"Yes."  
"That's so uncool." you taunted.  
"No, it is so cool! It's so uncool that it's cool, I wouldn't expect you to understand."  
"I understand that you're a massive nerd."  
He looked away, stoic faced, but you swore you saw a tiny bit of red rising in his cheeks.  
You read over the contract, read the fine print, and signed your name at the bottom, very reluctantly, but egged on by the teases about how you were just afraid of losing to him. Dave signed as well, and talked to the weird guy for a moment, who notarized the contract, then left.  
"There. Now, it's legally binding and witnessed, so let the game begin." you said, confident in your ability to resist.  
"First order of business," he stood up. "Is this, John, switch with me."  
"Why should I? I bet Karkat can win this." he retorted.  
"You'd only not want me to sit by him if you were afraid of me winning."  
"Fine!" John stood and switched seats with a huff, earning a glare from you as Dave slid into the seat next to you.  
"Sorry. Needed to prove a point." he apologized.  
You were very near forgiving him, until Strider leaned, one elbow on the table, and said a very suave "Hey."  
You chatted for the rest of lunch, and it was irritating to deal with his flirting that he was laying on too thick, but you had to admit, you found him kind of charming, before mentally punching yourself in the face for thinking that.  
Soon, the lunch bell rang, and you headed off to forth hour, science class, and guess who was in class with you? Yes, it was Dave. You sat near the back and he followed you there, and sat next to you.  
The teacher was a terrifying guy, and you'd hate to think what would happen if you crossed him. He handed out science workbooks and told you to decorate it as you see fit, while he went over the class's expectations and rules, especially for lab practicals, and you could already tell who would want to be your partner. The teacher didn't seem to want to stop talking about how not to tighten a gas tap, and you got bored, checking your phone under the table.  
ectoBiologist had pestered you, asking if this was Karkat, to which you responded yes, and quickly tucked away your phone as the teacher looked back from what he was writing on the board. He passed out some lab safety contracts and then sent you on your way to Algebra, with guess who? And then Drawing. With Dave. Then, surprisingly, History with not Dave.  
Your seat was assigned in the back of the room, so you took your time and checked Trollian. You had a new person pestering you.  
turntechGodhead began pestering carcinoGeneticist at 14:38  
TG: hey  
CG: WHO IS THIS  
TG: only the coolest dude in the world  
TG: who also happens to be trying to romance the most stubborn troll in the world  
CG: DAVE HOW DID YOU GET THIS CONTACT  
TG: only a top secret source involving spies, secret cameras, and copious amounts of martinis  
CG: JOHN TOLD YOU  
TG: a spy never reveals his secrets  
TG: but yes  
CG: I'LL HAVE TO HAVE A CHAT WITH HIM  
TG: listen my teacher looks suspicious of my texting  
TG: gotta bounce  
TG: <3  
CG: WE ARE NOT DOING THIS HERE  
turntechGodhead ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist at 15:05  
You sighed and put your phone away, getting out your planner and heading to the bathroom, and about halfway there, you heard a familiar voice.  
"Hey there, Karkat." he cooed in fake kindness.  
"Come say hi, we missed you this summer." said another.  
"No thanks." you began walking away, when you felt the collar of your shirt yanked.  
Eridan and his goons had you by the shirt and pushed you into a locker, then ran away laughing.  
"Pricks." you muttered, dusting off your black sweater and jeans.  
Back in class, the clock ticked down, the teacher ran out of things to say, and your first day of school was over. You got looped into a legally binding bet, reunited with bullies, and made a few new friends. All in all, a shitty day.


	2. 2

You were a week into school, and things were doing just fine. Dave flirted with you, and the friends group had separated into two fronts; those who thought Dave would win, and those who thought you would win. Of course, everyone saw the whole thing as a dumb joke, but so did you. John, Terezi, and Kanaya sided with you, and the rest went to Dave because things were "just too cute".  
You did homework, watched movies, and talked, getting to know your new friends more. Hanging out with John in Glass and Metals was pretty much the most fun thing in the world, he helped you with the flaming torch and drilling holes in your metal pieces. In English, Dave still played that dumb game where he tries to catch you looking at him, and the teacher would sometimes catch you glaring and mouthing curses at him, which would get you in trouble.  
"Alright, guys! Announcement!" Feferi declared. "I don't know if you know this, but Friday is homecoming and you're all going to be there whether you like it or not!"  
"Wow, cool, thanks, Fef!" John grabbed one of the dance tickets off the table, as did everyone else.  
"How formal is this dance?" Dave asked. "Slow dancing?" he looked at you.  
"It's semi formal, so wear something nice. It'll be great, trust me!" she answered.  
"I don't think I can go!" you said sarcastically. "I'm busy not dancing with insufferable hipsters that night."  
"Oh, come on you have to!" Terezi joined the growing amount of voices convincing you to go.  
"It'll be fun."  
"We're all going."  
You decided to go, why not besides Strider? You can ignore him anyways.  
"Fine. I'll go."  
You took a ticket and put it in your wallet for later. Dave leaned over and whispered in your ear.  
"Don't forget to tell me what you're wearing, so we can match."  
You pushed him away.  
"I am not matching with you, or dancing with you! I am, however, going to win this bet."  
"Don't want to experience the Strider game firsthand? Okay, but you're missing out."  
"I'm not missing out on anything."  
"That's true, you won't be missing out on anything because you'll be dancing with me." he smiled.  
"That's not what I meant and you know it!"  
"Oh, sure, sure."  
Late that night, you were texting John about a Metals project you were working on together.  
ectoBiologist began pestering carcinoGeneticist at 23:02  
EB: hey you know that animal keychain project the teacher assigned?   
CG: YES, WHY   
EB: what were the requirements for the write up   
CG: WRITE WHY YOU ARE CONNECTED TO THIS ANIMAL, HOW YOU USED POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE SPACE, AND GRADE YOUR OWN PROJECT WITH REASONING FOR WHY YOU GAVE YOURSELF THAT GRADE   
CG: IT'S SUPER EASY, IT TOOK ME ABOUT TEN MINUTES   
EB: ok thanks!   
CG: NO PROBLEM   
CG: BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU TALKED ABOUT DAVE'S ULTERIOR MOTIVES FOR THIS BET   
EB: he's being really secretive about it   
EB: but he keeps gushing (by his standards at least) about you during our conversations   
EB: really annoying actually   
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN GUSHING SEND ME THE FILES   
ectoBiologist sent file THISISRIDICULOUS.pdf   
~~~  
You opened the file.  
TG: i don't know if he's flirting back or if he's actually rejecting me   
TG: how should i go about figuring this out   
EB: idk try asking him to homecoming?   
TG: that's some cliché high school bullshit   
TG: if we do go to homecoming it will be on strict no-homo terms because dates to homecoming are lame   
EB: then what are you going to do?   
TG: it'll be no homo unless he seems like he wants it to be full homo   
EB: ah i get it, keep your cool, let him make it homo. perfect subtlety   
Sitting back, you reflected on the log and what Dave said about homecoming   
~~~~~  
CG: WHAT THE HELL   
EB: that bit about flirting is what i'm confused on too   
CG: WHY   
EB: are you flirting back or rejecting him?   
CG: ...   
CG: I DON'T KNOW   
EB: what do you mean you don't know   
EB: he's flirting with you, how does that make you feel?   
CG: THIS IS VENTURING DANGEROUSLY INTO PALE TERRITORY   
EB: karkat your troll quadrants mean nothing to me. you know just as well as i do that it's a cultural difference our species haven't shared as much yet   
EB: this is just a friend helping a friend, okay?   
CG: YOU'RE RIGHT, I KIND OF DISAGREE WITH QUADRANTS SOMETIMES. IT SOMETIMES FEELS DUMB THAT A MATESPRIT CAN'T ALSO SERVE THE SAME PURPOSE AS A MOIRAIL, BUT ANYWAYS,   
CG: GO ON   
EB: so when he flirts with you, what do you feel?   
CG: ANNOYED   
EB: really?   
EB: are you sure you're annoyed? the sensation of being annoyed can feel similarly to the sensation of romantic feelings   
CG: NO NO NO   
CG: I AM NOT FLUSHED FOR HIM   
EB: is that the one where you make sure two people don't kill each other   
CG: NO DUMBASS I MEAN I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM   
EB: oh, that makes a lot more sense!   
EB: but are you sure   
CG: YES   
EB: think about kissing him for a minute here   
EB: okay it's been a minute how do you feel   
CG: I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT, I'VE GOT THIS STUPID GRIMACE AT THAT TERRIBLE THOUGHT   
EB: are you certain it's not...   
EB: a smile??   
CG: JOHN YOU IMBECILE I'M GOING TO CHECK IN MY MIRROR NOW   
CG: OH GOD   
CG: IT IS A SMILE   
EB: thought so   
CG: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN   
EB: it means the thought of kissing him makes you all fluttery and happy inside   
CG: THAT IS THE MOST DISGUSTING SENTENCE YOU'VE EVER TYPED   
EB: anyways....   
EB: it means you should go to homecoming with him and let it become a little homo   
EB: but don't let him know he's successfully romanced you, jade placed a bet you would fall for him and i bet against her   
CG: DON'T WORRY, I WON'T   
CG: HE HASN'T ROMANCED ME AND I'M NOT GOING TO FALL FOR HIM   
EB: haha okay buddy   
EB: you keep telling yourself that   
CG: SO WHAT DOES LETTING THINGS BECOME A LITTLE HOMO ENTAIL   
EB: try flirting with him in a non-scathing attackey sort of way   
CG: AND HOW DO YOU PROPOSE I DO THAT   
EB: compliment what he wears, he showed me his outfit and it's really attractive, you won't find it hard to compliment him   
EB: actually you will find it hard to compliment him but that's just you being you   
CG: I CAN COMPLIMENT JUST FINE I CHOOSE NOT TO   
EB: and try to make it genuine and not sarcastic either   
CG: RIGHT   
EB: and slow dance with him too   
CG: WHOA WHOA WHOA   
CG: ONE, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT. TWO, WHY?   
EB: you'd love it, he smells nice   
EB: and you should, what do you have to lose?   
CG: MY PRIDE   
EB: shhhh don't worry about that just think about dave but make sure it stays unofficially homo   
EB: anyways, gotta sleep   
CG: WAIT, DO YOU KNOW IF HE LIKES ME? IT SEEMS LIKE THIS WHOLE DEAL IS A BIG JOKE TO EVERYONE   
EB: why do you care, mister "i'm not flushed"   
EB: night   
ectoBiologist  ceased pestering  carcinoGeneticist at 23:46


	3. Chapter 3

The homecoming dance was that night, and you were about to get picked up by your friends for dinner and then to the school. You wore a button up with your outfit, following your usual color scheme, and waited impatiently and anxiously in the foyer, pacing back and forth while muttering. You had your bag packed, as you, John, and Dave were having a bro-over after the dance.  
Then, deep in thought, you jumped as the doorbell rattled you out of your own head, startling you as you opened the door.  
"Hey." Dave nodded as he leaned against the door frame.  
"Hi, Strider. Here to pick your "date" up for the dance?"  
He looked a little taken aback.  
"Yeah. Let's get in the car, wouldn't want to waste Mr. Egbert's gas."  
You looked down at his outfit. John was right, it was pretty great. You meant to say something heartfelt and nice as a compliment, but you instead choked on your words as you tried to say something brilliant.  
"You look nice." you said, and hated it because that was definitely not what John told you to say.  
"Uh, thanks. You okay, Karkat?"  
"Yeah, fine, why?"  
"You seem different."  
"Well, maybe I'm just trying to be pleasant!" you raised your voice.  
"Now, there's the Karkat I know."  
You slid into the minivan next to him in the backseat, setting your bag between you.  
The rest of the squad was already turning up in the other seats, music on high and Mr. Egbert looking ready to eject himself from the vehicle.  
"Hey Karkat!" Jade shouted over the music.  
"Hey, Jade. How's your night?" you shouted back.  
"Good, good, you?"  
"Pretty mediocre so far. I hope by the time I get to Egbert's house tonight it'll be great."  
"Oh, it will be. And it'll be even better once you and I share his air mattress." Dave entered the conversation.  
"Ugh, shut up." you shoved him slightly.  
"Let it become a little homo."  
John's advice inspired you, and to make things a little homo, you ended the shove by lingering a little longer than normal, hand resting on his chest for an instant.  
And then you went back to the conversation, acting like nothing even happened. A few minutes later, you arrived at the restaurant, packed to the ceiling except with two tables pushed together for you. Good thing Feferi called in a reservation. She even offered to pay, given that she's super rich and all, and you're not one to complain about free food, but you at least offered to pay for yourself.  
It was a fun time eating and hanging out at the restaurant, but you quickly realized the time and that you would have to get to school quickly before they closed the doors. You walked across the main road between you and the building, and got in the long line out the door, cold wind blowing clear through your shirt, making you shiver.  
"You're looking pretty cold." Dave remarked from behind you.  
"I am." you turned. "What does it matter to you?"  
"I don't know, maybe I could help." he stepped forward and put his arm around you.  
You tensed, finding his abnormal gesture of actually giving a shit a little weird, especially contrasted to his usual, douchey flirting.  
"No homo, right?" he looked down at you.  
"Yeah, no homo." you repeated.  
"Good."  
The two of you continued waiting in the cold for what felt like ages, Dave's warmth keeping you at least comfortable. You could see Jade's smile playing on her lips at what you two were doing, and could practically hear her screaming about how cute you guys were.  
The line slowly shrunk until you were inside the building, at which point Dave removed his arm, and you got your tickets scanned into the dance. The lunchroom was decorated with streamers and balloons in the school colors, and there was a long table with food and drinks laid out across it, and you ventured onto the dance floor.  
Jade and Feferi began dancing together to the upbeat song, while Dave stood nodding in tune to the bass line. Terezi convinced Rose to get pumped and dance with Kanaya, and they looked cute, and you stood there without a partner, the remaining boys on either side, and you decided to spite Dave.  
"Hey, Egbert, let's dance."  
You grabbed him, led him towards the big group of dancing kids, and you took his other hand and began moving quickly to the song, looking over at the so called "cool kid" with his lips parted slightly in surprise. He noticed you looking at him, smiling, then John twirled you and when you looked back, he had returned to the stoic facade.  
Song after song you danced with all your friends, and grabbed Dave to go get some punch, and you were walking along talking.  
"Pretty nice dance they've got here." you remarked.  
"Yeah. If you like bad music and even worse dancing."  
"Come on. I saw you nodding to the music, you liked it."  
"Only because it was so bad it's good, obviously. I would never actually like that shit." he defended himself.  
"Oh, sure, sure."  
"Damn right you're sure."  
"I think you actually liked it, sorry, Dave Strider likes mainstream pop!" you shouted.  
"Shh, shh!" he clamped a hand over your mouth. "I absolutely do not!"  
He released you.  
"Anyways, want to go back in and listen to some shitty music?" you teased. The song that was on faded out, then, from outside the gym, you heard a slow song come on.  
"Want to dance? No homo?" he asked.  
"Sure, no homo."  
He took your hand and led you to the dance floor.  
"Absolutely no homo."  
"Right."  
He placed his hands on your hips, you put your hands on his shoulders, and you were just inches apart, gently swaying to the music, watching the slow-moving blue and pink lights reflecting off his shades.  
John was right, he did smell nice, a unique combination of things, a strange but intriguing combination of musk, antique stores, and film developer, and his shirt fit his chest really well and accented his shoulder-to-waist ratio flawlessly, and those black pants looked like they were tailored just to show off his legs. He looked perfect.  
Eventually, the song came to an end, and the dance was over, but you stood there for a few moments afterwards, staring into where you guessed his eyes would be under those glasses, and you couldn't see, but you knew he was looking back.  
The lights in the gym flickered for a second before turning on at full brightness, and the friends you had previously abandoned noticed what was you had done.  
"Oh my glub." Feferi almost squealed. You could tell she was trying to restrain herself.  
Dave pulled back.  
"No homo!" he stuttered. "Right, Karkat? Just a bro dancing with a bro!"  
He rubbed the back of his neck nervously as you distanced yourself from each other.  
"Haha, yeah! This is what friends do, god, Fef, why would we be dancing for any reason other than bro time?"  
She didn't appear to buy it, but smiled anyways.  
"Yeah, totally just bros!" she said, sarcasm obvious.  
She checked her phone.  
"Listen, guys, gotta go. Meenah's here to pick me up. See you all Monday!" she ran out of the gym.  
"Yeah, Dad's probably about ready to pick us up as well for the bro-over! I hope you all had a good time tonight." John shouted over the hum of the people all trying to squeeze out of the school at the same time, then joined them, making sure you and Dave were in tow.


	4. Chapter 4

You, Karkat Vantas, had a problem, and that problem was that you were the absolute worst in Algebra 1. You tried YouTube, talking to the teacher, et cetera, but you always seemed to fail the tests, and it was hurting your grade a lot, so you began trolling one of your best buds for help.  
carcinoGeneticist  began trolling  ectoBiologist  at 14:21  
CG: I HAVE A PROBLEM  
EB: the first step to getting better is admitting it, karkat, i'm proud  
CG: THIS ISN'T ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS YOU SMARTASS, I'VE GOT A LOW C IN ALGEBRA AND I KEEP FAILING TESTS  
EB: you want my help?  
CG: YES  
EB: well, i don't think i can help you much, my grade is about the same. try talking to someone who knows what they're doing, preferably an a in the class  
CG: I DON'T KNOW ANYONE WHO HAS AN A IN THAT GODAWFUL CLASS WITH THE SHITTIEST TEACHER IN THE WORLD  
EB: yes you do  
CG: WHO  
EB: your "no homo just good pals" boyfriend  
CG: HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND AND I WILL DESTROY YOU IF YOU SAY DIFFERENT  
EB: come on that was a little gay  
EB: that slow dance was even more homo than you needed to make it  
CG: IT WAS STRICTLY NO HOMO I AM TELLING YOU  
CG: I DON'T EVEN HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM  
EB: sure, sure  
EB: but you should go over to his house and get him to teach you the ways of the algebrarian  
EB: algebrist?  
CG: I'M NOT GOING TO GO TO HIS HOUSE WHO KNOWS WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN  
EB: i don't know, maybe you know what might happen ;B  
CG: STOP WINKING RIGHT NOW  
CG: HIM AND I ARE ON A NO HOMO BASIS AND I INTEND TO KEEP IT THAT WAY, I AM CERTAIN THAT HE FEELS THE SAME  
EB: you know that's a lie, he's totally into you  
CG: I CANNOT COMPREHEND THE IDEA OF SOMEONE HAVING A CRUSH ON ME  
EB: why  
CG: BECAUSE I'M BASICALLY ONE OF THE SHITTIEST TROLLS EVER AND NOT REALLY WORTH HIS TROUBLE  
EB: do i really have to do this  
EB: karkat you need to shut the fuck up and have some confidence  
EB: you're a strapping young man and i believe that it's entirely possible that dave is definitely into you  
CG: FUCK THAT WAS REALLY EMO SORRY FOR THE DRAMATIC BULLSHIT RANT ABOUT HOW MUCH I SUCK  
EB: it's fine just learn to chill  
EB: but if it makes it less homo, i'll go too because i also need help in math  
EB: okay i just talked to him and he says it's fine, be at my house around noon saturday and bring an overnight bag, we're making it a bro over  
CG: GOD DO YOU HAVE TO CALL IT THAT, IT SOUNDS SO STUPID  
EB: yes it's part of the dave-karkat-john holy trinity of friendship and bro-ness agreement  
CG: ALRIGHT I HAVE TO GO, KANKRI NEEDS MY HELP WITH SOMETHING  
CG: BUT I'LL BE THERE  
EB: see ya  
carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling ectoBiologist at 15:05  
~~~~~  
Your name is JOHN EGBERT, and you have just become the romantic counselor of your two best friends.  
ectoBiologist began pestering  turntechGodhead at 14:47   
EB: hey dave want to talk about what happened at the dance  
TG: yeah sure? what about the dance?  
EB: you got karkat to dance with you?  
TG: it was in the definitely no homo way, he said so himself  
EB: i don't know, that seemed a little homo to me  
TG: that's what i was thought, but he said it was no homo so i'm sticking with that  
TG: also you danced with him, which means i'm going to have to kick your ass  
EB: oooooooh looks like dave has a crush!!  
TG: i do not have a crush on him  
TG: emphasis on do not  
EB: oh i get it, just good bros then?  
TG: yes, obviously  
EB: you're so stupid. but anyways, karkat and i have problems in algebra. and you just so happen to be good at algebra, see where this is going?  
TG: yep  
EB: so how about your place this weekend for a tutoring sesh and maybe even a bro over  
TG: i don't think we should have it at my apartment, it's really small and everything, you know  
EB: well my place is fine too, dad doesn't really mind when i have friends over, and it's nice and spacious for whatever hijinks we may get up to!  
TG: sounds awesome i'll break into your house around noon saturday if that works  
EB: i'll have to talk to karkat, but yeah that seems to be on my agenda. but we've gotta get some work done, maybe until four then we can have the sleepover of a lifetime maybe i'll make you guys watch con air  
TG: sorry if we're going to watch that i'm suddenly busy  
EB: it's a good movie shut the fuck up i'll kick your ass about this  
TG: you can try but a nerd like you wouldn't be able to kick my ass, only cool kids are allowed to enter the innermost chambers in which my ass is protected  
TG: and they only make it in because they're cool enough to sneak past the laser mazes guarding my most valued treasure  
TG: my ass  
EB: well then i'll pay one of them to sneak in and steal that priceless gem for me  
TG: no no people who can make it through also are too cool to take bribes that's how my sanctum is so airtight  
EB: okay karkat says he can come  
TG: cool  
EB: oh come on you know you're more excited than that  
TG: i am not that excited i am cool as a cucumber  
EB: so you admit you're excited! gotcha  
TG: just excited to hang out with my buddies with no weird fantasies about what might happen  
EB: dude  
TG: what? i said that i'm not having weird fantasies would you rather have had me said that i am having weird fantasies  
TG: which i'm not  
EB: wtf  
TG: gotta fly, see you on the flip side  
turntechGodhead  ceased pestering  ectoBiologist  at 14:12


	5. Chapter 5

You looked in the mirror and scowled at your reflection- you had slept in your clothes and looked like shit, and glancing at the clock, you saw you had about an hour to make it to John's house. Even if you could get dressed in time, you would still have to deal with the issue of transportation, you were up late helping Kankri get ready to drive to one of his student experience trips to learn about social working with at-risk kids. He would be gone for a few days, leaving you completely free, but also completely without a means of getting to where you said you'd be.  
You got ready as fast as you could, but your disheveled appearance was obvious-your hair more ruffled than usual, and your pants covered in wrinkles. You tried straightening up, spraying yourself with deodorant and combing a little more, but, already running late, you stepped outside and eventually found a bus line that would take you to a street near Egbert's.  
His house was just the same as you last saw it, front yard play set and all, picket fence, but John sat on the pogo ride, while Dave swayed gently on the swings. You took the other swing and rocked yourself a few times to get started.  
"So, who's ready to study?"  
It was hard to tell who's voice it was in the wind, but it was from next to you, so you figured it was Dave.  
"I need to assert dominance as best swinger. Give me a moment." you said, and jumped off, flying through the air and landing on your feet, but you kept going, falling and landing on your hand.  
"Shit!" you shouted, feeling the sting of gravel in your wound.  
"Whoa, Karkat, you okay?" John ran over.  
"No! Stay away!" you clutched your bleeding palm to your shirt, making sure they couldn't see.  
"Are you hurt?" Dave asked.  
"No! Well, yes. Do you have a first aid kit?"  
You were in his bathroom, carefully inspecting every surface.  
After running into his bathroom, you carefully cleaned the dirt away, then wrapped your hand in gauze, and you were fine, but there was the scene to tidy up. You started by throwing all the paper towels you had used to soak up and wipe away blood into the toilet and flushing them away, then began looking around for any spills. There were plenty, the water you had rinsed with was now tinted a slight red, and impossible to get rid of, streaking everywhere and splattered all over, but you eventually were able to clean everything up.  
You stepped back and admired your handiwork, made sure there were no other giveaways to the fact you had hurt yourself, and then heard a knock at the door.  
"What is it?" you asked, and he entered.  
"You okay, Karkat?" Dave grabbed your injured hand and looked down at the thick bandages. "That's a little excessive."  
"No, it is totally fine. In fact, it might even be less than I need!" you responded.  
"I hope you're okay." he still held your hand, giving it a gentle kiss. "No homo?"  
"Oh, fuck you!" you swung at his face with your gauzy mitt.  
You headed into John's room and studied, beginning with the most basic bullshit: graphing equations and writing equations from graphs and points.  
It was really, really boring, but after a while, you started to understand things and get practice test questions right. The hours crawled past until it was four, the time John said you would finish by, and the clock began chiming, signaling the end of studying and the beginning of a hopefully not lame bro over.  
John began by ushering you into the kitchen to help order pizza, and you were offered cake by Mr. Egbert himself, but quickly dragged into the living room to watch a movie. You got into an argument about watching a romcom or a dumb "awesome" movie, and a dumb movie was selected via "my house my rules". God this was going to be terrible.  
There was a variety of snacks, drinks, and candy on the coffee table, and all was well with the pizza on it's way to the house. You sat in the middle, John to your right and Dave on the other side, and started watching the shitty movie. The drapes were pulled shut and lights turned off to create the best atmosphere, too bad it was wasted on this train wreck of a film, so you got bored and dozed off a bit, when the doorbell jolted you out of it. The pizza was here, and you ate like a wolf, having skipped both breakfast and lunch, and the three of you decided to get in your pajamas to further the bro over experience, which is when you found out you forgot your overnight bag.  
You walked into his room and told your host what happened. "Dammit, John, I was in such a rush to get over here I forgot my bag."  
He looked up from his dresser.  
"You could just sleep in your boxers tonight." he offered.  
"I prefer to be covered, do you have an extra shirt?"  
Dave spoke up.  
"I've got this." he threw something at you. A red sweatshirt.  
"Do you have an extra shirt that's also black or grey?"  
"I don't think so, sorry, Karkat." John started walking to the door to go change. "What's wrong with Dave's sweatshirt?"  
"Nothing, it's just that I-" you stopped talking, glancing at the sweatshirt, then heading to the other bathroom before anyone could ask questions. Two close calls in one day, it seems like life is plotting against you.  
When you arrived back in the living room, everyone else was done already, and you could feel those shades watching you wearing his sweatshirt. The red was crazy bright against your pale grey skin and dark grey boxers, and you looked dumb in this getup. You began the movie again and were super bored, trying to pay attention and failing, and eventually falling into a light sleep, your head falling onto John's shoulder, him shrugging you off, then landing on Strider's.  
"Aw, is Karkat sleepy?" he teased.  
"I'm not sleepy!" you hissed in the darkness.  
"No, it's okay." his hand wrapped under your chin and pulled you back towards him, leaning his head on top of yours, John so lost in the action of the film he was completely oblivious.  
You both fell asleep to the sound of the bad movie, pressed against one another. Before you could fall asleep, you heard Dave whisper something.  
"No homo?"  
You affirmed.  
"No homo."  
Something brushed your face.  
"Gah!" you were scared awake by John, wearing a pair of ridiculous fake glasses, with a nose and mustache on as well, and he had tickled you with a feather duster to get you to wake up.  
In your surprise, you jumped up.  
"Shit, Karkat!" Dave shouted, reaching beneath his glasses to rub his eyes, then surveying the scene. You standing there, fuming at John, and him with those idiotic glasses, laughing. He too began laughing.  
"Ugh, I hate you, John!" you shouted, crossing your arms.  
"Come on, you know that's not true." he said.  
"Nope, I hate you, one hundred percent certain."  
"You're joking."  
You tried to remain seeming angry, but you began to crack a smile as you found the humor in the situation.  
"See? You don't hate me!" John pointed at your smile. "Well, movie's over, what did you think?"  
You almost began saying some sarcastic comment, but noticed Dave saying something.  
"Well, I was asleep a lot of it, but what I saw was pretty shit."  
"It was not! It's a great piece of cinema!" John defended.  
"I'm going to have to side with Dave on this." you sat next to him, and he put his arm around you. You shoved him off. "We are not doing that here!"  
He sighed and was probably rolling his eyes.  
"Should we head to bed?" John nodded towards the stairs to his room. "We don't have to sleep."  
You agreed, and headed up, sitting in a circle on the bed.  
"So what should we play?" you looked around.  
"I think there's only one right answer to that." Dave said.  
John looked excited. "Truth or Dare!"  
"Oh, hell no. You're going to dare me to do something weird." you crossed your arms and turned away.  
"It's a bro over! It's written in the bro over code, we must play truth or dare, it's what you signed up for!"  
"We didn't do this last time."  
"I revised the code, then! Just play, it'll be plenty of fun."  
"You'd better not make me do anything completely horrible." you grumbled.  
"Awesome! You can go first. Karkat, truth or dare?" he put up the hood of his blue pajamas and did a pose to look mysterious.  
"Truth." you said, wary.  
"Okay. Um... Dave, consult with me."  
The two of them did some whispering, then looked back.  
"We decided to not get too cliche right off the bat, so we're not asking who you have a crush on." Dave shifted your attention to your other friend.  
"This is more interesting, too. We want you to describe your first kiss in detail."  
"No, I pick dare." you avoided the question.  
"I dare you to tell the truth!" John parried verbally.  
"You don't want to know."  
"Yes, we do."  
"I've never had one." you said as quietly as possible.  
"What was that?" Dave seemed to smirk a tiny bit.  
"I've never kissed someone before! And what are you smiling about, you act like you've had soooo many kisses!" you snapped.  
"Yeah, Dave. You've never told me about that sort of thing."  
A pressure was released as the conversation switched from you to Dave at John's prompting.  
"Yeah, Strider. How was your first kiss?" He began looking red, and you teased him. "See, you haven't had one either!"  
"So? Neither has John, we're all kiss virgins."  
"Good point, Dave. I don't know about you, but I've heard rave reviews about kissing and it sucks to not have done it."  
You added sarcastically. "Yeah, let's invite a bunch of girls over and try it! Sounds great!"  
"We don't need girls to practice kissing." Dave leaned slightly towards you, not initiating anything, but obviously trying to suggest it.  
"Agh! No, I'd rather kiss Egbert than you!"  
"Hey!" he sounded offended.  
"Sorry. John, bro consultation." you pulled him towards you. "Help me steer this in a more homo direction."  
"Whoa. I thought it was no-homo." he whispered.  
"It is, I just want to spite him."  
"How do you plan on doing that?" he thought for a second. "Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no."  
"Come on! It'll be no homo!"  
"Well... Fine, but you owe me big time."  
"Yes." you exited the bro consultation.  
"I agree, Dave! We don't need any girls to practice kissing!" you recited like a bad actor.  
"Damn straight." He leaned forward. "Who's first?"  
You looked to John, and said, "I know who's first!"  
Then you kissed him, slowly, and pulled apart after a few seconds. You glanced at Dave, who was obviously shocked.  
"No homo." John said.  
Dave's face was red and he looked like he could pass out, he was so flustered.  
You turned to him. "Okay, cool kid. Truth or dare?"  
He rubbed the back of his neck.  
"Truth."  
"Why do you act like you're cool?"  
He scoffed. "Easy. It's because I am cool, John's turn, truth or dare?"  
"Dare me."  
"I dare you to end every sentence for the next ten minutes with "in bed"  
"Dumb dare, that's too easy... In bed." he said, realizing the gravity of the situation. "Oh, I get it, in bed."  
You began laughing with Dave at John's slight embarrassment.  
"Well, Dave, you suck! In bed." an evil smile crept up on his face.  
"Oh my god. My own dare has been turned against me."  
John asked you, truth or dare (in bed), you chose dare.  
"You get to choose an internet challenge and do it! In bed. Let's go to the kitchen. In bed"  
You and Dave followed him, and looked up "challenges" on YouTube, and decided to do the cinnamon challenge.  
"This is dumb. There's no way cinnamon could hurt that bad." you shoved the spoon into your mouth carelessly, a few seconds passed before you began coughing the infernal spice into the sink, on your knees, reaching for a glass of any liquid that could stop the pain.  
Dave handed you a bottled water and you choked it down while your friends laughed.  
"That was awful. Kill me now, please." you rasped, falling backwards into the kitchen floor.  
"Aww, was it that bad, Karkat? Always with the melodramatics!" Dave teased.  
You swung a fist at his ankles.  
"If it's so easy, why don't you do it? Truth or dare?"  
"Truth." he smirked like he had you beat.  
"What's behind your shades?"  
"I choose dare."  
"I dare you to tell the truth!"  
"I'll just eat the fucking seasoning, then." he grabbed the tablespoon from where you dropped it, and leveled off a scoop.  
This was gonna be good.


	6. Chapter 6

carcinoGeneticist began pestering ectoBiologist at 13:56  
CG: JOHN I HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM  
EB: what is it  
CG: I THINK SOMEONE IS HITTING ON DAVE  
EB: i thought you were just friends with him so why does it matter  
CG: WE'RE GOOD FRIENDS AND I DON'T WANT HIM TO DATE HER  
EB: who is she  
CG: VRISKA SERKET  
EB: oh i know her, she's awful why would you be worried about dave dating her  
CG: BECAUSE SHE HAS STARTED FLIRTING WITH HIM AND IT MAKES ME PISSED OFF TO NO END  
CG: IF I BOTTLED UP THIS ANGER I COULD SELL IT AS A FINE WINE  
EB: dave isn't going to date her though, he's not that much of a dipshit, you shouldn't worry about it  
EB: i think you're jealous >:B  
CG: I'M NOT JEALOUS I'M JUST A BRO PROTECTING A BRO FROM A HORRIBLE PERSON  
EB: i think that he's gonna win this bet  
CG: NO HE'S NOT I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM  
EB: you're in such horrible denial right now, together you would be so cute, i'm shipping it, even though i bet twenty dollars you would win  
CG: I AM GOING TO WIN AND WE WOULD NOT BE "CUTE"  
EB: imagine it, holding hands and kissing and stuff it would be so cute  
CG: SHUT UP THAT WOULD BE AWFUL  
EB: so anyways, i would recommend talking to dave and if she tries to interrupt, call her out on it and tell her off, in my experience, she's a massive bitch and there's no way that he would actually want to date her besides the fact that she's pretty.  
CG: OKAY, I'LL DO THAT, BUT IT MIGHT BE BAD  
CG: SHE SEEMS TO BE IN KAHOOTS WITH THAT ASSHOLE AMPORA, AND HE KIND OF HATES ME  
EB: like in the blackrom way or just the jerk way  
CG: I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE, HE'S ALWAYS TREATING ME LIKE CRAP AND PUSHING ME AROUND, AND IF VRISKA HATES ME AND LETS HIM KNOW SHE HATES ME, HE MIGHT HATE ME EVEN MORE WHICH WOULD BE BAD, IF HE DECIDED TO KICK MY ASS MORE, I'VE HAD A LOT OF CLOSE CALLS  
EB: close calls with what?  
CG: WHEN HE PUNCHED ME AND I BLED, I BARELY HID IT BEFORE LOCKING MYSELF IN THE BATHROOM  
EB: what is it with you and your blood? first the thing at my place, and this? you honestly come across as really insecure  
CG: I'M NOT INSECURE AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THE SECRET'S FUCKING AWESOME I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW  
EB: this is what i'm talking about, if the secret is so awesome why can't you tell me  
CG: BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO, WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME....  
CG: (GIVE ME SOMETHING THAT HUMANS TEND TO KEEP SECRET)  
EB: oh i get it  
EB: i don't go around telling people my dick size but it's a really awesome secret  
CG: EXACTLY MY POINT  
CG: BUT CAN YOU TALK TO DAVE ABOUT HER AND DON'T BRING ME UP  
EB: got it, brb  
ectoBiologist ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist at 14:16  
ectoBiologist began pestering  turntechGodhead at 14:22  
EB: hey buddy can we talk  
TG: yeah sure what about  
EB: you know that girl vriska right? about her  
TG: yes i know her unfortunately, but what about her in particular, it's not cool to talk smack you know that  
EB: it's actually about how she's been flirting with you, what is up with that?  
TG: uh yeah that  
TG: i don't really want to talk about it much, it's not going to go anywhere, and i've seen karkat's face when she twirls her hair and leans over my desk  
EB: so you're not interested in her at all?  
TG: no, i mean, she's hot, but kind of a massive fucking bitch and i would never date her  
TG: one time she threw a hissy fit until the teacher gave her equal credit on a group project she didn't do, talk about entitled  
TG: so yeah pretty awful  
EB: oh good  
EB: and what was that about karkat's face?  
TG: he looks really upset, i don't know why he would be, but he seems angry and bitter about it. does he have a crush on her or something?  
EB: god you're clueless  
TG: what?  
EB: never mind, but good that you're not interested in her, she's terrible. try straight up rejecting her if she tries anything  
TG: well i've gotta be chill about it but if she won't let up i'll be more forceful  
EB: alright good  
EB: talk to you later, bye!  
TG: see ya  
ectoBiologist ceased pestering  turntechGodhead at 14:45  
ectoBiologist began pestering carcinoGeneticist at 14:47  
EB: good news, he's not at all interested in her  
CG: REALLY  
CG: THAT'S GREAT, I DON'T THINK I COULD STAND IF HE WAS DATING THE SPIDER BITCH  
EB: but the bigger question remains, why are you so upset by her flirting  
CG: I TOLD YOU, JUST A FRIEND WATCHING OUT FOR ANOTHER FRIEND, BUT YOU SEEM TO BE UNDER THE DELUSION THAT I FEEL MORE THAN BRO-NESS FOR MY BUDDY HERE  
EB: i'm not the delusional one here, you're always the friend that's like "we're just best buddies, just friends, no homo" when it's obvious that it's very very homo  
CG: ITS NOT HOMO I HATE HIM OH MY GOD  
EB: then why are you looking out for him so much if you hate him  
CG: UGH  
EB: karkat and dave, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!  
CG: WE AREN'T KISSING OR SITTING IN TREES FOR THAT MATTER AND IF WE ARE SITTING IN TREES, WE'RE SITTING IN TREES COMPLETELY PLATONICALLY AND AS NO HOMO AS POSSIBLE  
EB: you're lying to yourself, i know you like him! aw.... karkats in love!  
CG: I AM NOT IN LOVE JOHN I WILL SLOWLY DESTROY YOU PIECE BY PIECE UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT  
EB: woah  
CG: OKAY EVEN I'LL ADMIT THAT WAS A BIT EXTREME  
EB: okay gotta go!! see you in school monday!  
CG: TALK TO YOU LATER  
ectoBiologist ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist at 15:03


	7. Chapter 7

The morning announcements came on and you pulled out your headphones to listen.  
"The football team is having a game this Saturday, be there to support our school! Today, there's an assembly on the dangers of drugs, and attendance is mandatory. The assembly will be in the auditorium from third to sixth hour, and any students found roaming the hallways without a pass will be sent to the dean's office to call home. Have a good day!"  
You were disinterested in the seminar, and when third hour rolled around, Dave walked next to you until you reached the auditorium, but kept walking, grabbing your arm and pulling you right out the side door of the school.  
"What the hell, where are we going?" you shouted.  
"Shh, don't get us caught. John is meeting us here in a few, and we're going to do whatever we want. I came into some money, I'm buying."  
"Do I want to know where you got it?"  
"Relax, Bro made some extra cash and was feeling generous, and by that I mean 'left his wallet on the counter'. I usually steal some for food, but I took more." he explained.  
"Don't you have food at home?"  
"Not really. But I'm okay."  
"God, that's kind of awful."  
"Don't worry about me. Oh, hey, John." he looked over your shoulder. He was there, and you all fist bumped before walking across the street.  
"So where should we go?" John asked.  
"I was thinking we should get some coffee and then hang out in that soccer field behind it, by that lake."  
"I'm fine with that." and they all agreed with you, so you headed to the Starbucks and hopped in line.  
"What should I get?" John asked.  
You took into consideration the cooling weather and decided to get a hot drink: just like your usual, iced coffee, one pump of vanilla syrup, splash of milk, but hot, and told John to get the same.  
"Is it good?"  
"Is that even a question? My taste is impeccable."  
Dave butted in.  
"Actually, the best kind of coffee is a Frappuchino, it's the coolest."  
"That's not even a coffee, Strider. It contains the same amount of caffeine as... I don't know, something that doesn't have a lot of caffeine!"  
"I think I'm going to trust Karkat on this one, sorry, Dave."  
"I'll just get the same as you two, then, it's cold out anyways." he said under his breath.  
You ordered, got the drinks, and started walking towards the field. Your ears were cold in the October winds and your fingers were only warm because of the heat of your coffee. Sitting in the field, you talked about school and how great it was to not be there, even though you were sitting by a disgusting drain lake.  
"Vantas, I'm gonna have to swallow my pride here, this flavor combination is excellent, maybe even better than a Frappuchino."  
"Whoa, the legendary cool kid admits he was wrong! It's a miracle, what's next?"  
"I don't know, but I'm ready to go in, I'm freezing here." he rubbed his hands together and began standing up.  
"How about we go clothes shopping? The mall is open." John suggested.  
Dave brushed his jeans off. "That sounds good. We have another two and a half hours."  
You walked to the mall and your two friends immediately walked to the side and started whispering.  
"What are you doing?" you called after them.  
"Bro conference!" they unisoned.  
Then, they broke apart and took you to a clothes store.  
"Here, try this on!" John said as Dave shoved you into a fitting room and threw a shirt at you.  
Blue flannel.  
"It's fall aesthetic, Karkat, you need to try it!" John shouted through the stall door.  
"No, it's too blue! Reminds me of that sweaty kid, Equius. Get me a grey one and we'll talk."  
Someone tossed another shirt over the door.  
"See, this is a good one!" you looked at the new button up. Black and grey and white plaid. You tried it on, and stepped out.  
"Whoa, Karkat, you look great in that!" John's mouth hung open a bit. Dave had raised his eyebrows slightly, and he grabbed the edge of his glasses as though he was going to lower them to get a better look, but stopped himself.  
"Uh, yeah, Vantas, looks pretty good." he almost stuttered.  
John kept talking. "Why don't you wear other clothes more often? It really accents your figure and goes with your skinny jeans."  
You got back into your normal shirt and put the other one in the cart.  
"Dave's turn!" you said, looking around for something he could try. A similar flannel to yours, but with grey and red stripes. "Try this."  
You waited a few minutes and he eventually came out of the changing room, and he looked incredible.  
"Wow, Dave, that looks really hot-" you stopped yourself and clamped a hand over your mouth.  
He gave an almost imperceptible smile. "What was that?"  
"It looks really cool on you!" you shouted, too fast.  
"Sure, sure." he turned to John. "He wants me."  
"No I don't, you jackass!" you shoved him back into the fitting room.  
He was laughing at you, and you fought back the blush that was threatening to show itself. He put his selection in the basket and turned to you.  
"Time to choose something for him." he tipped his head towards John.  
You flicked through a rack of shirts, looking for something appropriately dorky.  
"Oh, I know what to get him." He began heading towards the sweaters, choosing a sky blue one, knitted with clouds.  
"That's so nerdy. Fits him perfectly." you roasted.  
He laughed and handed the sweater over to its future owner, who went to try it on.  
He came out, looking slightly pissed.  
"This is dumb."  
"Aw, that's so cute!" you said.  
"You need to get it. Put on your normal clothes, let's check out and then we'll wear them back to school." Dave got up and started towards the counters.  
After checking out, you got into your purchase, and decided to hit up a couple other places in the mall. You wore your new shirt, feeling a little weird that it wasn't your usual, but apparently it looked good.  
In the skate shop, Dave tried convincing you to buy socks with weed symbols on them to wear back to school after the seminar and laughed at your anger with his suggestion, but you begrudgingly laughed as well. You got your payback, though, when you went into a makeup shop for humor and he started being hounded by one of the associates to let her do some makeup on him. You fled the store into one of the emo kid clothes warehouses, and you looked right at home in the mess of black and grey clothing.  
After a while of goofing around in the mall, not buying much and sometimes drawing attention to yourselves, store security noticed and had you removed from the property, but that was okay, as the lecture on not doing drugs was over soon and you needed to go anyways, so you left willingly. Walking back to school, together in the blustery cold, you couldn't help but notice how many times Dave's hand brushed yours.


	8. Chapter 8

"Hey, Vantas! I hope you packed lunch, I want all your money!" someone shouted from behind.  
You didn't even turn to face him before you felt an arm around your shoulder, fins, stupid scarf, the whole ensemble, Eridan leaned on you.  
"What do you want?" you hissed.  
"Money. Now."  
You shrugged him away. "Why do you need it? You're already rich as hell!"  
He responded by shoving you against a locker and reached his hand into your front pocket, you trying to push him away as he took the four dollars you had and tossed your wallet in your general direction, bouncing against the metal loudly.  
"Jesus, at least ask me on a hatedate before feeling me up..." you grumbled.  
"Hatedate? No, my hate for you is completely platonic."  
"Sure, your hand in my pocket really gave off more of a platonic hate vibe, really. I'm flattered and all, but I don't feel the same way."  
"I'm not black for you, you landdweller!" he shouted as you began walking away.  
"Wow, good insult. Never heard that one before." you called over your shoulder, heading back to class. "If you don't like landdwellers you better get used to it, there's only one other seadweller in the school and she's my friend. So good luck with her!"  
Eridan stood, flustered at the end of the hallway, as you walked away.  
"Well, that's not true! I have a chance with her!" he stuttered.  
"Right." you turned into your English class and huffed, sitting down next to Dave without caring.  
"Something wrong?" he asked, not looking up.  
"I'm fine."  
"Clearly." he took the end of his pen out of his mouth to chat properly. "Come on, what's really wrong?"  
The minute bell rang.  
You tried leaving. "Listen, class is starting soon."  
"We have a minute."  
"Okay. That douche Eridan keeps bugging me."  
"Him again? When is he going to get a life?" he rhetorically asked, shoving his sketchbook into his bag.  
"I don't know. He's always picking on me, and he says he's not blackflirting with me either."  
"I don't suppose there's an easy way to figure it out?"  
"Not really, but-" the final bell rang. "I'll talk to you later" you sat in your seat.  
After class, you went to lunch with the squad but decided to pull Feferi aside to ask her about Eridan.  
"Hey, you know that other seadweller, Eridan, right?"  
Her face seemed to darken a bit.  
"Yeah, I do. He has a crush on me, but I don't like his attitude towards pretty much anyone!"  
"He stole my money today. I think he might be black for me, or maybe even red with a weird way of showing it." you explained.  
"I don't really know how to help you. I suppose I could use his crush on me to try and make him less terrible."  
"Yeah, that's what I was thinking."  
"Well, good luck with him." she returned to the table.  
You decided to take a bathroom break, and quietly walked through the closed off side of the school, the side that was having class while the other half of the students had lunch. But according to your luck, you couldn't have one peaceful lunch hour, and on the way back, you ran into Eridan again.  
"Hey, Kar, funny running into you here." he said, flicking his hair.  
"Not really, actually. You seem to always be in this hallway when I am. Don't you have a class to be in?"  
He scoffed. "Study hall. But who cares about that? I don't, the teacher doesn't, so it's a win-win, really."  
"So the larger question remains, Eridan. What do you want from me?"  
Stepping towards you, he was now in your personal space. "Whoa, whoa, what are you trying to do here?" you shoved him away.  
"Well, if that's how you want to play! Fine!" he grabbed you by the shoulders and pushed you against the tile wall.  
You returned the favor by holding his biceps and twisting, leaning forwards to throw his balance off, and as he fell he dragged you down too.  
Breathing hard, you were on your hands and knees above him, thinking you won, but he wrapped his legs around you and rolled over, pinning you down with an elbow pressed against your throat.  
"Fuck you, you slimy fucking fish breathed eel!" you strained against his choking pressure, wiggling beneath him, he was a lot denser and muscular than he looked. You weren't going anywhere.  
He grinned. "Now you're getting it."  
"Getting what? You steal my money and call me names, I think I have a pretty clear understa-" and he kissed you.  
The kiss was fast paced and deep, and ended within thirty seconds or so. You took a seriously deserved breath, after being halfway choked and kissed, you were a little dizzy from oxygen deprivation.  
You sat up against the same wall you were shoved into, and he joined you while thoughts gasping for breath struggled to arrange themselves into a coherent explanation for why you couldn't be black, and you put together a tactful and true statement about your guardian's opinion on your blackrom life. You spoke after a small silence.  
"Eridan, that was a really good kiss, I applaud you for that." you began.  
"But?"  
Stopping, you questioned him. "But?"  
"Yes, but. There's always a but."  
You kept going. "Anyways, that was nice, but-"  
"And there it is." he interrupted.  
"But," you continued more forcefully. "Kankri doesn't want me to try hatemance until I'm emotionally mature enough to handle it. I'm really sorry, I would have loved to be your kismesis."  
He stared blankly ahead, before pale violet tears began collecting at the corners of his eyes.  
"Eridan, don't cry, please."  
"I'm sorry." he wiped them away with the palms of his hands. "It's just that I've never had a shot at blackrom before, and now that I do, I find out he can't be with me."  
He gave a weak laugh. "How's that for sad?"  
"I'm sorry. Maybe we could find you someone else?" you suggested.  
"I doubt it. Feferi probably is never going to look twice at me after our problems, and everyone else hates me platonically. I'm going to be lonely for my whole life."  
"That's not true. Not everyone dates in high school, and college is the time of our lives everyone really gets into the dating scene. You have so much time to find who you'll be happy with, and it spares the heartbreak now."  
He looked a bit better and the tears appeared to have stopped. "Wow. That's actually really good advice. Thank you, Karkat."  
"It's no problem. Glad you're feeling better."  
"I mean it. I wouldn't mind having that kind of great guidance full time, if you catch my drift."  
"Oh, what are you proposing?" you ask, but you already understand.  
"Do you want to be my moirail?"  
You smile. "I think that would really good for us both. My first order as your palemate is for you to repent for all your mistreatment of your fellow peers. Pay up, buddy."  
He started laughing, then took the four dollars out of his shirt pocket and put them in your hand. "For real though, I'm sorry for being so mean earlier and before today. My black feelings were way out of line. I apologize."  
You stood up, helping him to his feet. "It's okay, I forgive you. Thanks for saying sorry."  
You pulled him in for a hug and breathed his unique scent-ocean air and almonds.  
"Here, you should wear this." he took off one of his rings, silver one with a shiny violet amethyst, his symbol inlaid in silver on the gem.  
"Why? I'm not a seadweller, jewelry isn't really my place to wear."  
"Because," he took your hand and slipped it on one of your fingers. "It shows that you're under my protection now. People'll know not to mess with you anymore."  
"Oh. Thank you. Now you should get back to study hall, wouldn't want to get reported for skipping, would we?"  
He laughed again. "Yeah, right. But if you say so." he began walking towards his classroom, and flashed a diamond hand signal at you, and you returned.


	9. Chapter 9

Summer's last dying breaths were quickly fading, and autumn was in full swing, your sweaters were no longer thick enough to keep you warm, but not like you cared enough to put on something else. Halloween was coming. If not for the apparent date on the calendar, you could tell from the pumpkin spice coffees advertised at the Starbucks near school, and the obnoxious amounts of leaves descending from the sky, hell bent on blowing into your face and catching in your hair.  
Another obvious sign of the impending holiday? Your friend group's excitement.  
At lunch, a week plus one day from the Saturday, a formal announcement of the Halloween party was issued. As a dealer would a deck of cards, Rose spread out the invitations on the table.  
"It has come to our attention that Halloween is right around the corner!" Jade projected.  
"So we've begun preparing for a collaborative Halloween party." Rose added.  
"Yes, so if you need costume help, come see me." Kanaya said.  
Feferi chimed in. "Our seamstress and wonderful friend Kanaya is going to outfit you in the best costumes! Jade is bringing pumpkins to carve, Rose is supplying a venue, and I'm going to cover expenses. Any questions?"  
John reached towards an invite, the one with his name spelled out in newspaper letters.  
"These are seriously creepy! It looks like a serial killer is inviting me to his house!" he ripped open the envelope.  
Rose smiled. "Thanks, that was absolutely the intended aesthetic."  
"Aesthetic achieved." John grinned goofily. "Rose's basement, Halloween night, 5 pm to 11:30 pm? Sounds like a good time!"  
You grabbed the one with your name on it and put it in your backpack. No need to open it if John already read it out loud.  
"Sounds fun. I think I'll be there, I've got nothing going on." Dave said. "And I know you have nothing to do either, Karkat. Gonna go?"  
"I don't know, I think our last bro over gave me my fair share of hanging out with douchebags."  
"Aw, come on, Karkat!" John gave you the sweetest puppy dog look. You laughed at his attempts to sway you.  
"Alright, I'm there. What kind of activities do you have planned?"  
The girls glanced back and forth.  
"We're not telling you until you're there." Feferi smiled deviously.  
"That's it, I don't know what you're trying to get me to do, but I'm not gonna be a part of it." you said, shaking your head.  
"Nope, you can't back out! You already agreed!" Jade said.  
A week plus one day later, you stood on Rose's porch in the minimal costume Kanaya helped you make. Nothing more than your OC of sorts from a interactive novel, in a crowd of businesspeople, you would be lost, you pretty much just looked like an average fifteen year old kid in a suit with a briefcase.  
You rang the doorbell. Immediately, someone opened the door, and a sheet ghost grabbed your hand and dragged you inside.  
"What the hell?!" you yelled as you stumbled inside.  
"Hey, welcome to the party!" Jade said. "I see John invited you in."  
The sheet ghost pulled the cloth away from his face and grinned at your now irritated demeanor.  
"What, afraid of ghosts, Karkat?" he teased.  
"No, you just grabbed me and yanked me, I'm not afraid of a shitty costume."  
"Sure you aren't. Let's go downstairs, most of us are already here." John led you down into Rose's basement.  
Rose, Jade, Feferi, and Kanaya already were sitting around, talking and laughing.  
"Hey, Karkat!" they greeted.  
"Hey, what's up?" you asked nobody in particular, sitting on the love seat next to Jade.  
Feferi responded.  
"Well, we're just planning the festivities for tonight. And don't ask what they are, they're surprises until it's time to do them."  
"Really? Okay, I'm leaving, you definitely have something weird planned."  
"No, don't leave! You're our hostage now!" Jade joked.  
"Ugh, fine."  
Before you could continue conversation, the doorbell rang again, and she disappeared up the stairs, and came back down with Dave, suspiciously sitting across the room in an armchair instead of next to you, leaving one empty seat, which Dave then occupied.  
"Hey, babe. What's your costume?"  
"I'm my character from Business Skulls. What are you?" you glanced down at his similar suit and tie outfit.  
"I'm the main love interest from Business Skulls, Andy Westin. What a coincidence."  
"What the hell? Only Kanaya knew about my outfit beforehand!"   
He raised his hands in surrender. "Whoa, don't make assumptions. I just happened to notice your doodles the other day in class, is that so bad of me?"  
"Well, I guess not, but you had no right to dress up as the love interest in my interactive novel and I'm-"  
"Karkat, believe it or not, you're not the only one in the world who can enjoy a good interactive novel. I happen to like that game, too. Plus, I find myself relating to Andy quite a bit. Blond, sarcastic, and cool?"  
You butted in. "And intentionally antagonizes me?"  
He smiled. "Now you get it! So, at the end of the game, you have to choose between dating Andy or Gareth. Who'd you choose?"  
"Oh, come on. I'm not dignifying that with an answer."  
The doorbell rang, and you heard Terezi thundering down the stairs.  
"Hey guys! Let's get this party started!" she said, placing her bag against the wall and feeling her way into one of the barstools. "What are we doing tonight?"  
Jade came back down, and answered.  
"We're carving pumpkins and then watching a scary movie!"  
Terezi made a quick deduction and felt at the table in front of her, and quickly found a pumpkin.  
"Can we get started? Everyone is here, right?"  
"Yeah!" the rest of the squad said.  
You began by gutting the pumpkin, a task made easier with the supplied long, rubbery garden gloves, and then you spaced out for a while, carving a happy face into the pumpkin while every Spooky Scary Skeletons remix in existence played, lost in concentration and occasionally joining in on the banter.  
Everyone finished up with their pumpkins, and you lit them, setting them on the front porch and taking a step back to admire the jack 'o' lanterns.  
"Alright, everyone next activity! We're going to play truth or dare, spooky version. Let's head back downstairs." Jade said.  
You objected to the tomfoolery, but after being called a weenie by a couple kids, you agreed.  
Sitting in a circle, Feferi brought two hats out of her bag, as she explained, one contained truths, the other dares, and after ten or so rounds, everyone got bored.  
You peeled the cat stickers stuck to your face during a dare off and tossed them in the trash, then greeted Ms. Lalonde at the bottom of the stairs, helping her by taking the stack of pizzas and setting them on the counter.  
"Food's here, guys!" you shouted, opening the one marked CHEESE in sharpie and taking a slice.  
Everyone else stampeded into the room and began eating like wolves, probably consuming at least half their weights in pizza as teenagers are prone to doing, then headed to the bathroom to wash the grease out of your mouth, then sat on the love seat talking about an new movie with Jade. She liked most of your taste in cinema, and was willing to indulge you.  
"So then the main protagonist finds out his moirail and matesprit are waxing black for each other! It's the oldest trope in the book but it gets me every single time!"  
"Oh, wow! Speaking of movies, Karkat, we've got one planned tonight!"  
"Please don't tell me it's scary." you begged.  
"It's very scary. Everyone on the couch or something!" she went to put in the DVD and Dave sat in the now vacant seat.  
"You scared?" he asked, lips quirking slightly upwards.  
"No!" you shouted. "I'm not scared of a movie, that's for babies."  
"We'll see." and then the lights went down, and the movie started playing.  
The scene was set at a summer camp, with a couple of counselors hanging out in the days before camp started, preparing for the summer. Midway through the day, one of the counselors went missing, and everyone had to look, but a storm hit, so they all turned in for the night. The power went out, so one of them went to investigate the breaker, and his flashlight beam fell on a face hidden under a burlap sack with eye holes, which made you jump towards Dave.  
He whispered in your ear.  
"Did you really get scared by that shitty jumpscare?" he asked.  
You answered with a quiet "yes".  
Then, as you began relaxing, pressed against him, another jumpscare spooked you, getting you to yell a small sound of terror.  
"Hey, it's just a movie." he said, the sarcasm lost and replaced by concern.  
"I know, it's okay."  
The scene dragged on, where you knew the killer was stalking a counselor in the woods, but she can't see him yet, and your anxiety was rising.  
"Ugh, I don't want to watch." you shielded your eyes as she began screaming, and Dave put his arms around you, pulling you closer.  
"You'll be okay, Karkat. It's almost over, and then it'll be about time to go home."  
You glanced back at the screen just in time to watch the shining axe fall downward, a splash of red blood, hear a scream, and the sickening stabbing noise as you turned back to Dave, who began petting your hair and calming you down, making you doze off a little, when the lights turned back on and the movie was over.  
You lifted your head, and Dave's hands fell out of your hair, and he woke up, realized the position you were in, and mutually shuffled away from each other.  
Everyone else exchanged glances, and you checked your phone out of awkwardness. Two missed phone calls and sixteen texts from Kankri.  
"Shit, guys, I gotta go. See you on Monday!" you said, running up the stairs, letting yourself out of the house and getting in the car.  
You watched as the jack 'o' lanterns disappeared into the distance as you passed Mr. Egbert's car on the way out of the driveway, and waved.


	10. Chapter 10

ectoBiologist began pestering turntechGodhead at 19:34  
EB: hey dave, we should talk about something important  
TG: sure, what is it?  
EB: i think we should talk about karkat. just kinda sort out your feelings with him. is that cool?  
TG: no not really  
EB: why not? we're best friends, aren't we?  
TG: well of course we are, but i don't really want to get into an in depth discussion about my emotions  
EB: seriously, dave. i can help you if you tell me. honesty what is your deal? you claim to be romancing karkat yet every time things get a little gay you pull that no homo bullshit! what the hell is up with that?  
TG: fine, i'll talk to you about this. to sum it up, i'm a goddamn wimp.  
EB: well actually, first of all, do you like karkat? like as more than a bro?  
TG: nevermind i'm not talking about this.  
turntechGodhead ceased pestering ectoBiologist at 19:41  
EB: dave!!!  
turntechGodhead began pestering ectoBiologist at 19:41  
TG: sorry, i'm being a punk ass bitch right now  
EB: it's ok! just talk to me  
TG: the truth is, i liked him in eighth grade but he hardly ever noticed me  
TG: not like he had any reason or want to, i was just that weird kid in the back of the classroom who had like three friends  
EB: and?  
TG: and i eventually got over him. he showed no interest in me. hell, you said he didn't even remember me until you reminded him. so my unrequited crush died, plain and simple  
EB: and now that your lives are much more closely intertwined, how do you feel about him?  
TG: idk man i'm just a simple man navigating the perils of life i don't know how i feel  
EB: are you sure???  
TG: no  
EB: then how do you feel? jesus fucking christ  
TG: to put it succinctly:  
TG: he makes me feel the emotional equivalent of being suplexed off a balcony by the raging emotions of how gay i am for him. it's worse than in middle school. back then he made me feel like some young anime protagonist ready to giggle and swoon at his senpai's every word but now he's just so much better than he was back then which is all the worse for me  
TG: i don't even know what to call him, everything i can think of doesn't fit him. handsome doesn't feel quite right? he's not exactly the conventionally hottest guy ever either.  
EB: well in my heterosexual opinion, he is attractive. he's not skinny, but it's not like he's actually fat, or ripped for that matter. like he's muscular but he also has a lot of curvedness that looks good on him. its almost a girly physique, actually, but suiting. and his face is good too, those eyebrows are nice, his eyelashes are really long, and his eyes are that pale grey.  
TG: dude  
EB: and his lips are pretty big for a guys, but again, they work. karkat's an attractive guy, at least in my opinion.  
TG: dude.  
TG: did you just type "in my heterosexual opinion" and then follow that sentence fragment up with the gayest possible description of karkat ever composed?  
EB: they're just observations! from one bro to the next, dave.  
TG: i'm still puzzling over what to call him? handsome is way off mark. i wouldn't call him a hunk. beautiful is too feminine. why can't i properly describe him?  
TG: suave?  
TG: pretty?  
EB: that's it!!  
TG: pretty, really? you think so?  
EB: well yeah, i think it fits.  
TG: you know what, you're right. i think pretty is the only word here that makes sense, and it's not in the girly kind of pretty. yeah he's got a lot of feminine features, but he's still mostly masculine.  
EB: so you like him. your goal is to romance him. so why don't you let it get gay? you always say no homo, even though your feelings and motivations say otherwise.  
TG: i don't know  
EB: is it because it's gay?  
TG: no, man, not because it's gay, i don't know  
EB: are you really sure? somethings telling me it's a personal issue you have  
TG: i'm fine let's talk about something else  
TG: what does the rest of the friends group think of all this?  
EB: well there's a little change in the demographics, the general consensus was that this bet thing is a joke and you're just joke flirting with him, but now, people are thinking you actually have a crush on him, which is true  
TG: oh shit oh shit  
TG: i have to go like right now  
EB: don't go!! what's wrong?  
TG: people think i'm into him?  
EB: well yeah, but it's not like you don't. it's not a big deal at all.  
TG: no it's a problem why do they think that?  
EB: well, take the halloween party for example. the scary movie. it didn't seem like you were jokingly flirting with him when you were whispering in his ear to make him less scared.  
TG: fuck, people were watching us?  
EB: yeah you weren't exactly cuddling in the most incognito way possible  
TG: we weren't cuddling, i was just helping him be less scared. can't a bro do that for a bro?  
EB: seriously dave? you just admitted you liked him, but as soon as people begin figuring it out, you back away! what the hell? are you being homophobic to yourself or something?  
TG: actually yeah i think  
EB: why?  
TG: i guess i don't really know why. i just don't want to show that side of myself to everyone else  
TG: i want to be the cool manly dude but if people know i feel this way about karkat they wouldn't think so anymore and i need to protect that  
EB: people wouldn't think that though! nobody really cares about whether or not you're gay, at least in our school  
TG: i feel like they would and i wouldn't be cool anymore if they knew, and i don't want to be judged by them  
EB: i think i get it. i'm sorry you feel that way, and i really apologize for this, but dad is telling me to hop off my phone and finish that homework. gotta go, good talk dave!  
TG: right back at ya  
ectoBiologist ceased pestering turntechGodhead at 20:45


	11. Chapter 11

The confusion started when Dave began ignoring you. The Monday after the Halloween party, he stopped talking to you almost entirely, and completely cut out the obnoxious flirting, and you were completely confused.  
This was apparently the same boy who just days ago had calmed you down from your fears, same shades, same sense of style, but now he seemed entirely different, and you didn't know why. It started with you saying hey in first hour, to which he just gave a quick hi before returning to work. You didn't read into it too much, but when you tried talking to him for real, he gave one word responses without looking up.  
Then, in English, you tried starting the game of cat and mouse. You looked at him, and when he would usually give you some indication he had noticed your gaze, all he did was keep looking straight ahead, mirrored shades making his face blank. You tried several times, but he didn't play along.  
By the end of the day, you were sufficiently angry at him. He hung out with everyone else at lunch, played the whole smug and sarcastic cool dude thing, but completely ignored you when you tried to talk to him and ask what's wrong. In science, he joined up with somebody else for the lab experiment, leaving you with a weird kid for a partner. You stomped home from your bus stop, and slammed the door to your room in a fit of frustration.  
"Ugh, what the fuck, Dave?" you asked no one as you flopped down on your bed and pulled out your phone. A new message from John awaited.  
ectoBiologist began pestering carcinoGeneticist at 16:14  
EB: hey karkat  
CG: HEY JOHN  
EB: so i'm not just messaging you to have a pleasant chat, i have a topic at hand  
CG: LET ME TAKE A WILD GUESS  
CG: DAVE  
EB: wow yeah you guessed it! how'd you know?  
CG: I GOT A PRETTY GOOD CLUE FROM THE FACT THAT YOU TWO ARE BEST FRIENDS AND HE IGNORED ME ALL FUCKING DAY  
EB: i supposed that's a pretty good hint, but anyways, what happened today?  
CG: I DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! HE DIDN'T TALK TO ME FIRST HOUR AND WOULDN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT! WHAT THE HELL DID *I* DO? SURELY HE HAS A REASON TO BE UPSET WITH ME  
EB: i don't know honestly! he seemed to be alright at lunch besides blowing you off, so it wasn't like it was just a bad day! are you sure you did nothing?  
CG: NOTHING HAPPENED. SATURDAY WAS THE PARTY AND HE WAS OKAY WITH ME, MONDAY, SUDDENLY HE HATES ME AND WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME! WE DIDN'T EVEN INTERACT OR ANYTHING BETWEEN TODAY AND THEN.  
EB: gosh this is a puzzler. dave is pretty strange sometimes, but blowing you off for no reason is way out of line, even for him! he isn't really the type to ditch his friends. you two seemed to be doing really well!  
CG: I KNOW. I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS, BUT APPARENTLY I DID SOMETHING SO INSIGNIFICANT I DIDN'T NOTICE, BUT NOW HE DEFINITELY HATES ME. GOD, I WISH I COULD FIGURE OUT WHAT I DID.  
EB: well there's not a whole lot of stuff that bothers him either. mostly just people who are legit douchebags and bullies. like that kid eridan and his friends!  
CG: WELL I WOULDN'T GIVE ERIDAN AS AN EXAMPLE PERSAY, BUT SOME OF HIS FRIENDS ARE DEFINITELY PROBLEMATIC. AND VRISKA.  
EB: are you sticking up for eridan? i thought he was a jerk to you and all. he's punched you!  
CG: BUT ANYWAYS.  
CG: I DID SOMETHING TO UPSET DAVE AND NOW I'M SO PISSED WITH MYSELF ABOUT THIS. HOW COULD I LET THIS HAPPEN?  
EB: karkat don't blame yourself! maybe you didn't do anything wrong at all!  
CG: HE WOULDN'T JUST END ALL INTERACTION WITH ME FOR NO REASON, THE ONLY EXPLANATION IS THAT I DID SOMETHING WRONG.  
EB: well i guess  
EB: i'll talk to him about it, he stopped responding about an hour ago so when he's back i'll bring it up  
CG: HE DOES THAT TO YOU TOO? I THOUGHT IT COULD HAVE BEEN SOME PLOT TO MAKE ME ANTICIPATE HIS NEXT MESSAGE MORE  
EB: yeah it's pretty weird! sometimes in the middle of a conversation he'll go idle or just stop messaging for no reason. but he never makes a deal out of it, so i suppose it's okay  
CG: HUH, SO HE DOES IT TO YOU TOO. GOOD TO KNOW  
EB: i always wonder what he's doing though, he's never said "oh i was just straightening up my room" or something.  
CG: WELL IT WAS NICE TALKING TO YOU, BUT WE'VE BEATEN THIS TOPIC INTO THE GROUND. I'VE GOT HOMEWORK TO DO, TOO.  
EB: sounds good! i'll talk to you later?  
CG: SEE YOU  
carcinoGeneticist ceased pestering ectoBiologist at 16:47  
You stared at the ceiling, and considered doing your homework, but ruled it a task fit for tomorrow Karkat's to do list, so you just kept counting the glow in the dark stick on stars and twisting your ring anxiously, before your eyes fell on the Aquarius symbol in the center and you decided to message your moirail.  
carcinoGeneticist began pestering caligulasAquarium at 16:52  
CG: HEY ERIDAN  
CA: oh hey kar howw are you?  
CG: WELL I WAS HOPING WE COULD SMALL TALK A LITTLE BEFORE I TELL YOU HOW I AM HONESTLY, SO AS FAR AS YOU KNOW, I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?  
CA: i'm pretty good too, honestly. school wwasn't awwful and i think i did a good job distancin myself from those jokers i call friends. but noww i'm concerned wwith you. wwant to talk about it?  
CG: I WOULD LIKE TO. WANT TO HEAR THE STORY  
CA: go ahead  
CG: SO YOU KNOW THAT KID I HANG OUT WITH, DAVE?  
CA: hm, davve. i think i knoww, he wwears sunglasses an has blond hair?  
CG: YES THAT'S HIM. WELL, HIM AND I ARE GOOD FRIENDS. WELL, WE WERE  
CA: wwhat happened?  
CG: I DID SOMETHING, AND NOW HE'S IGNORING ME  
CA: wwell wwhat did you do?  
CG: THAT'S THE PROBLEM, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I DID! ON SATURDAY, WE WERE PRETTY CLOSE, BUT NOW IT'S MONDAY AND HE'S JUST IGNORING ME? WE DIDN'T TALK OR ANYTHING BETWEEN THEN AND NOW, BUT SOMETHING HAD TO HAVE HAPPENED.  
CA: you're right. so wwhat wwere you twwo doin on saturday?  
CG: WELL WE WERE AT THE HALLOWEEN PARTY  
CA: as your moirail it's my obligation to ask you to go on  
CG: THERE WAS THIS SCARY MOVIE ON, AND I GOT SCARED AND JUMPED TOWARDS HIM A BIT AND HE HELPED ME COOL MY JETS A BIT AND WAS WHISPERING IN MY EAR AND STUFF.  
CA: wwhoa so you twwo did those things and he's flat out ignorin you noww? that's loww.  
CG: AND I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I DID OR HOW TO FIX IT, AT THIS POINT I'VE TALKED IT OUT ENOUGH AND I JUST WANT TO NOT THINK ABOUT IT.  
CA: i knoww wwhat wwe could think about  
CG: OH YEAH?  
CA: our first official feelins jam! wwhat do you say to that?  
CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN TO TALK ABOUT. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?  
CA: wwell i wwas considerin my place, my room is big and cronus is pretty cool wwith lettin me havve friends ovver.  
CG: I CAN AGREE WITH YOU ON THAT, YOUR HIVE SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN. KANKRI WOULD PROBABLY BE SO EXCITED, OOH KARKAT'S FIRST FEELINGS JAM I'LL GET THE CAMCORDER!  
CA: yeah i could totally see kankri doing that! haha. i wwas also thinkin about wwhat wwe wwould do in terms of a pile. i havve loads of blankets, pillowws, and stuffies, wwhich wwould make a great pile.  
CG: THAT'S AN IDEA I CAN JIVE WITH. AND PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF I'M BEING TOO STRAIGHTFORWARD, BUT WHAT SORT OF PHYSICAL CONTACT DO YOU CONSIDER NORMAL IN A MOIRALLEGIANCE?  
CA: i wwas thinkin on that topic too. there's the obvvious ones like huggin and cuddlin, but wwe'vve kissed and evverythin, i wwould be open to doin that more if you're dowwn too.  
CG: YEAH, I'D BE FINE WITH THAT. SO THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING? A JAM AT YOUR PLACE?  
CA: yeah a course, i wouldn't go to the trouble of discussin it if i didn't intend to followw through  
CG: OKAY, JUST LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU CAN. I'M FREE ALL WEEKEND BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A LIFE, BUT I KNOW YOU KINDA DO.  
CA: right noww, i'vve kinda been distancin myself from my friends because they're bad. they only followwed me because i'm a higher blood, and that isn't evven relevvant anymore since the wwars. wwhat, a thousand years ago?  
CG: I'M GLAD YOU'RE STARTING TO SEE THE HEMOSPECTRUM THAT WAY. IT'S ONE OF THE FIRST STEPS I'M HELPING YOU TAKE TO BE BETTER, BUT YOU'VE ALREADY PICKED UP YOUR FOOT FOR ME!  
CG: I APOLOGIZE FOR LEAVING, BUT NOW I ACTUALLY DO NEED TO GET WORK DONE. BYE ERIDAN.  
CA: bye kar  
CG: <>  
CA: <>  
carcinoGeneticist ceased pestering caligulasAquarium at 17:56


	12. Intermission One: The Interlaced Histories Of Two Completely Different Species

The popular childhood book the Berenstein Bears has recently gone viral on the Internet. This trend centers around one thing: the fact that most people seem to remember the family being called the Berenstein Bears, when in fact they have always been the Berenstain Bears.  
Many theories have been constructed around this phenomenon. Some say that these incidents are just things collectively misremembered. However, another theory says that in these instances, people have actually "slid" from one universe into an identical one, with a minute detail changed. Some slides are small, like one vowel in a kid's book, but some are larger, like people being alive when most people could have sworn they died. In the year 14 AD, the largest recorded inter-universe slide took place. The historical records were not the best, but from what we've gathered, one day, the life forms of Alternia arrived on Earth through one of these slides.  
Only half the trolls landed safely. Some still orbit our planet, stuck there and bleached white by the unfiltered sun for thousands of years, and some arrived in our universe far above the ground, and fell to their deaths. Those trolls that survived faced many problems.  
At that time, about 285 million humans inhabited the earth, and about half that number of trolls suddenly shared the space. Naturally, as different people collide, wars broke out between the two species, trolls trying to build lives for themselves, humans trying to defend their spaces. Some were able to coexist, but the vast majority remained in bitter strife for one thousand years. When death counts reached massive numbers, and rainbow colored blood streaked the world, everyone was tired.  
By that point, practically everyone alive had grown up on war. They lived war, breathed war, prepared to fight since they were children, and it seemed like all at once, people stopped caring. The war wound down into trivial threats and political debates, and eventually, it ended. It took an extra century for the war to officially end, but by then, treaties had been negotiated.  
The treaties involved integrating trolls and humans together in society. To avoid more wars, discrimination against other species became treason to ones country.  
More acts were passed between the races to insure complete equality, the most major of which being the Lifetime Equity Act, which insures that the current Tyrian blooded troll will use her life sharing powers to distribute lifetime equally amongst all inhabitants of Earth. 90% of the population, including both species, live less than or equal to 100 years. The Lifetime Equity Act effects most people's lives, from the lowest blood's 50 years to the highest blood's thousands, making everyone live around 320 years. On this agreement, humans and trolls as separate species have lived together peacefully for more than another thousand years. Of course, there were other wars. The Civil War, the World Wars, the Cold War, and innumerable other conflicts, but in those wars, the species fought alongside each other against a likewise united group, and life moved on in a better world together.  
Things weren't always perfect. The current world in which we find our story is still wrought with the divides between seadwellers and landdwellers. Some hemospectrum bias still exists, too. But, the two species live together for the most part, and the worst of the wars ironed themselves out in time.


	13. Chapter 13

The week had been hell to endure. Dave refused to pay you any attention, and it had gone past one bad day to full on ridiculous. He didn't acknowledge you, didn't talk, didn't even smirk, even though you're certain that expression was about 90% of the faces he ever makes. You were upset about it all week, too, so angry at yourself for whatever you did that made him hate you, and desperately needed to talk it out with the only person you could.  
You stood in front of Eridan's hive. Big, regal, and old fashioned, with a sea faring theme that would have most of his decor just as in place on a ship as it was there. It fit, you suppose, with him being a seadweller and all, you could tell it was his, looking especially strange between the casual suburban homes of his neighborhood. Figures, he always was one to stick out. You rang the doorbell, which chimed loudly, and heard a faint yelling from inside.  
The door swung open and Eridan popped his head out slightly, before turning back inside.  
"No, Cronus! Don't offer us snacks until we've at least settled in a bit! It's noon, he told me he just ate lunch! Please stay in the kitchen and don't weird him out!" he shouted, looking back out at you. "Sorry, Karkat. You know how guardians are, right?"  
"Uh, yeah. I can go if it's a bad time." you said, turning to check if Kankri was still sitting in his idled car, which he was.  
"It's fine, come in." he opened the door all the way and beckoned you inside.  
"Should I take my shoes off?" you asked, observing the expensive carpet.  
"Yes, if you don't mind." he walked over to the bottom of the stairs, waiting for you to unknot the laces and wiggle your feet free, then you headed up together to Eridan's room.  
You gaped at the bedroom when you walked in.  
The room was huge, and right inside the door, there were two stairs down onto a plush floor, and the furniture and decor was crazy. Giant windows with gauzy curtains you could tell would be billowing if the windows were open, but right now they just hung there as it rained outside. The walls were painted a pale shade of purple, like if Eridan's blood came in pastel. What stuck out the most was the bed. It was a big wooden pirate ship, but the hull of the boat was partially missing, and the actual bed part was inside.  
At the foot of the bed sat a big pile of blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals, all fuzzy and softness, and your eyes fell on it before looking back at Eridan.  
"Well, like I said, there's our pile." he dropped down into it and looked up at you expectantly. You stood awkwardly.  
"I'm sorry, I've never really done this sort of thing before."  
He leaned forward and grabbed your hand, pulling you down into a spot next to him.  
"Well, that's okay. I haven't either." he said. "I think we should start with the most basic question. How are you today?"  
"I'm good. I slept in and now I'm here, so a pretty high quality day. How about you?"  
"Same here. I had to fight Cronus about this, he kept trying to bring you snacks and tidy up as much as humanly possible, that was a bit stressful, but nothing too bad."  
"Alright. So I suppose we shouldn't hop right into our deepest darkest secrets, so maybe we should talk about something easy. School?"  
He considered for a moment. "Yeah, that seems like the best option. Want to start?"  
You thought over your menagerie of problems with your grades before answering.  
"Well, actually, I'm just considering the position we're in, and I think it would be better if we were in a more personal position."  
"What were you thinking?"  
"Here." you got up, and walked around the pile, laying down on your stomach across from him. He understood your intentions and rolled over into his front too, so you could be face to face while still in the comfort of the blankets and pillows.  
"So, where were we?" you asked rhetorically. "School.. Well, I'm pretty mediocre. You know, B's in most classes and two C's in science and math, but I've got an A in history. You?"  
"Yeah, same here, except history is my worst class. I don't get why, it's just remembering things." he said.  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Eridan, history is way more than remembering things! It's all about the connections! You have to draw comparisons between all different historical events and the motives behind them! It's so cool!"  
"Well, why do you suck at science and math? It's just patterns you have to follow, easy. And if you don't get it, just go online or something."  
"That is true, I guess. My math tutor has kind of ditched me, so I don't know what I'm going to do about that."  
"Dave?"  
"Yeah."  
"Maybe you should talk to your counselor. They can help you get in touch with a tutor, so if you talk to her, she'll hook you up." he suggested.  
You snorted at that.  
"Pfft, my counselor doesn't do jack. She wouldn't even refer me to the school therapist for stress counseling!"  
"I don't know what to tell you, then, but I'll tutor you, if you like. I'm pretty good at science."  
"Okay, so grades are sorted out. But what about your friends? They're a part of school, too. I know yours are pretty bad." you stated, trying not to offend him too much.  
"They're awful. Now that I've stopped picking on people as much, they've started ripping on me too. It hurts, and I'm sorry."  
"Eridan, I forgive you. So long as you recognize it was mean of you and move past it, you're fine. Just try to ignore them, I'll try to convince my friends you're cool. Maybe you can join with us." you suggested.  
"Well, I would, but I've just been so awful! Bullying, and the issues with Feferi, I don't know if it's possible for her to like me again!"  
His voice began raising, so you put a hand on his shoulder and patted him.  
"Show her you've changed. Be nice. Do you friends suspect our thing?"  
"No, I don't think so. Why would they, it's not like we hang out at school or anything." he answered.  
You twisted at his ring around your finger and sighed, wondering if anyone had noticed it on you.  
"Well, let's move on. Friends and school down, what's next on the ladder of moirail discussion?"  
"Romance?" he suggested.  
You exhaled sharply at the thought of your romantic life, but agreed to it.  
"You first, Eridan."  
"Okay. Well, there's Feferi."  
"And we agree you could do better in terms of personality. If you were to be nicer, maybe someone would want to be your matesprit. Don't be too nice at first, though, that would be a little weird."  
He sighed.  
"Right, be nicer. How about you, want to go into detail about your romantic life?"  
You sighed right back.  
"Well, Dave and I have this bet on, that he can or can't successfully romance me, so he's been hanging around me and flirting with me. So at the Halloween party the other day, I got scared during the movie and he was petting my hair and whispering in my ear, but he's just stopped! I don't know what I did, either, but it has to have been something."  
At the end of your explanation, you sucked in a gasp of air and tried to hide your obvious tearing up, and felt Eridan's hands on yours, stopping you from covering your eyes with the edges of your sleeves.  
"Kar, it's okay for you to cry in front of me, what are moirails for?"  
"But I can't. Blood color and all."  
His face darkened a little bit.  
"I don't judge blood color anymore, but that's your choice and I respect that."  
You thought about it for a second.  
"So you really don't judge blood color now?" you asked. "One hundred percent sure?"  
"Absolutely."  
You let a tear fall, and watched Eridan's eyes follow it's trail down your cheek.  
"Is that maroon?" he squinted.  
You shook your head an almost imperceptible no, and he kept guessing.  
"Well, it can't be fuchsia, that's too reddish, never mind the fact that you don't have fins. What is it?"  
Lowering your eyes, you bit your lip.  
"It's mutant candy red. I'm not even on the hemospectrum."  
He looked really uncomfortable, and seemed about to say something. Immediately, thoughts popped up about how stupid you had been to tell him and how he's definitely breaking up with you now that he knows.  
"I've never seen that before..." he trailed off.  
"I'm sorry." you buried your face in your arms.  
"No, don't be sorry, it's okay. I've just never heard of it, and I'm thinking about it. I didn't know it was possible." he comforted, patting your shoulder. "I don't want to make you upset about this, either. Want to keep talking about Dave?"  
"Sure. What do you want to know?"  
"Are you flushed for him?" he asked.  
"No, but I'm still hurt by him ignoring me. You get it, right? We're friends, it's understandable."  
He threw his eyebrows up a bit. "So you're not flushed for him? You really seemed to be."  
You nodded confirmation, before a small smile crept up on his face.  
"Well, then why did you bring him up when I asked about romance?"  
You felt heat rising in your face and buried your face in your arms again as Eridan laughed.  
"Haha, Kar! You're so out of touch with your own feelings! Just admit that you're flushed for him!"  
"I can't be flushed for him or I lose, though. And I'm not flushed for him. Not to mention he hates me now, and not in the blackrom way. I'd be better off avoiding having feelings for him. Or near him. Just completely stop having emotions whenever I'm in his immediate vicinity."  
He rolled his eyes. "Come on, you're just pretending you don't like him to delude yourself into not being upset about this. Earlier you were crying about him, but now you're saying you don't like him to protect yourself. I'm not buying it."  
"Fine, let's just say I did theoretically like him. It would be useless either way, so why bother?"   
"I guess you're right. Just do whatever makes you happy, okay?"  
Before you could answer, the door burst open and Cronus walked in with a tray of hot chocolate and peanut butter crackers, plus a couple bottles of water.  
"Hey, kids. I hope I'm not interrupting anything too important, I just brought some snacks and drinks. Karkat, I know you're lactose intolerant, so the mug with witches on it is made with almond milk instead." he set the tray down.  
"Whoa, how'd you know I'm lactose intolerant? I haven't even told Eridan, I don't think." you asked.  
"I have my sources." and he left the room, straightening up a few things as he went.  
"That was weird." you commented, reaching for one of the plates and grabbing a mug. "But pretty nice of him, too. Guardians can be the worst sometimes."  
"I get you there. He means well, but that's so overwhelming, you know?"  
"Yeah... Kankri is always trying to tell me when or when I'm not "emotionally ready" for things. He didn't say it was okay for me to have a moirail until seventh grade, and he's just now considering if I could have a matesprit. He's just so overbearing! And never mind a kismesis."  
"Yeah, you mentioned that after you rejected me." he said with a small amount of sarcasm. "He really is that uptight about your romantic life?"  
You set down your half eaten plate of crackers and sipped some of the water.  
"Again, I'm sorry about rejecting you. And it's not like you don't want to be my moirail, right? But yes, he is that uptight, it's completely ridiculous."  
"I'm sorry about that. I wouldn't advise that you close off more, that would just make him more curious. Instead, you should try telling him you'd appreciate to make your own decisions, maybe he'd respect that."  
"I guess there's no harm in that. So, how about Cronus? Any pressing issues with him?"  
"Not really, he's just kind of silly sometimes."  
After a few moments, you decided this jam was about wrapped up.  
"I think we're about done here." you declared.  
"Do you want to see around my room? It's really cool!"  
"Yeah, sure. What've you got in here?"  
Stacking the dishes, Eridan set the tray in the hallway before shutting the door and showing you around.  
On his dresser he had a small tank of sea monkeys, and he showed you his cool boat bed.  
Inside, there were fairy lights decorating it, and glowing stars on the ceiling like in your room. You laid there, legs tangled up and pressed close together, and kissed in the palest way possible.


End file.
